I wish I had always felt like this
somewhere between early and late
feeling pure and at peace
gazing in the mirror staring hard
at roots and eyes changing color
with self-awareness and nightly reflections
that wash away the filth of human fault
at the end of the day.
I wish for maybe just one moment
you had tried to understand me
and saw my eyes changing color
my roots my history my golden year
I played in cemeteries mourned and cried
buried my mother and marriage
tasting my fears and anger like black fumes
as I got high off my own obligatory pain.
I had wished then upon a thousand stars
for courage answers salvation
to keep myself my life from turning
to frail wisps of what was once all I knew
with no time to think or heal
I buried the pain deep within
and pushed aside my hopes my dreams
my only need was to feed my children.
I hope I always feel like this
driven driving past those days in Hades
with clarity and calm my spirit rising
with the dawn of each new day
feeling alive complete and whole
gazing in the mirror clearly seeing
my direction my roots my ends
my salvation myself.
And sometimes when
a song wraps ’round me tight
flowing in like gentle tide awash
with wistful memories I think
of you and wish for you to see
my happiness and how I’ve grown
I’ve found the joys that feed my soul
and give new meaning to the word love.
Painting: “Ecstasy” by Maxfield Parrish, oil on panel, 1929.